...

Search for Martha Hall is going well, I guess. It's actually very easy to track someone, when suddenly, all the previously available trails start disappearing, pro tip, if you want to throw off your tracker, deleting everything in a panic isn't going to work, it just confirms what information should have been followed up on before.

So yeah, that's going well, I guess...

Today's the day, fuck.

I didn't, I don't want to write about this, I don't want to write about her, but I guess, because of the shit I've seen recently, the shit I survived, it feels kind of fucked that I never stopped to talk about her on the day of her death.

13th of October, first time I pumped myself on servant blood to go and slaughter a bar of Timberwolves, who I thought were responsible for her death on this day. It's been so long, 6 fucking years now and everything seems like a blur, how everything changed. Fuck me, I'm so fucking retarded, I had no idea how good I had it, how good WE had it. Roof over our heads, food to eat, beds to sleep in, each other and all we had to do was sometimes spook some people, sometimes kill some people, whatever, small price to pay for a bit of normalcy. And then everything went to shit because of egos and other stupid shit similar to that and if anybody else had died from that, Franky or Claude, I don't think I'd have reacted the way I reacted to her death. With any of them it would have been fair, we were the ones who were doing the leg work, tracking, killing, scaring, it was us, she never did any of that shit, she couldn't bring herself to do something horrible to another human being and none of us minded, so she'd stay behind at the house and prep food, patch us up, dig for info and overall... just keep the spirits up, or some shit.

She DIDN'T FUCKING deserve it, FUCKING ANY OF IT

Why in the fuck did he have to CHOOSE ME over her!? WHY!? Why did he let them kill her instead of me!? I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND! Was it FUCKING FREINDSHIP!? WTF WAS THE POINT!? HE MUST HAVE KNOWN THAT I'D FIND OUT, HE MUST HAVE KNOWN THAT OUR FRIENDSHIP WOULDN'T LAST AFTER HER PASSING, WTF WAS HE THINKING!? WAS HE THINKING!?

fuck

Franky is cooking us a meal, had no idea he knew how to cook, most of the times over here we eat take out, or some fast food crap, much easier and less time consuming, I looked through her posts on this blog and instantly it made sense why he was prepping us a meal all of a sudden, because he also knows what day it is, he learned how to cook from her. Fuck man, she was so kind to everybody, it was infectious, that's the only reason I was willing to help Sanna back in the day, because of Alesa, if Alesa wasn't there to urge us to help her, there was no fucking way we were going to put ourselves in the crosshairs of various freaks that Sanna tended to attract. This FUCKING STUPID attitude of wanting to help EVERYONE, so FUCKING STUPID and yet, we did it, and we pulled it off.

Alesa we miss you                                                                                                i miss you

                                    i wish it was me instead of you

                                                                                        fuck this